I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
