I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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