I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
