Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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