He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
