I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh god it's open bar.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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