Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
