So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
