I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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