and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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