The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
