dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
