he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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