The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
