I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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