Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
