He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
