you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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