Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
