Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
