Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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