I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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