My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
