So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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