if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
