It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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