Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
