you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
