i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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