A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
