if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
