oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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