Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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