please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I sprained my soul last night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
