You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
