You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
