My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
