I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
why is half of my head shaved?
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