She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
