I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
