I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
