I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
