hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How's work?
Spinning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
