..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
