I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
