if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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