Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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