Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
