Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
