Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
