We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
