And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Be still, my beating vagina.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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